It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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