I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
