So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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