Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
