he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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