Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize