My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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