is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
3 2 1 whiskey
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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