You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
