Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
