A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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