I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
