I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
