can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
