Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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