I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
