Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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