You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
false alarm, still single
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
