mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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