I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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