I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
