I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
