The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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