What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
