Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
