It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
two words...techno handjob
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
