Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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