mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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