Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize