Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
