Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
