So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
