My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
