I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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