DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
