I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
