in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
