the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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