If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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