I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
