alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drunk is not a location!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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