Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
