He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
