I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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