ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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