I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
