Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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