Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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