Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I smell like Dick and happiness
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