He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
