Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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