So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
