There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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