I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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