my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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