ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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