i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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