I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize