Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
