Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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