Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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