You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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