I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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