Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you had me at cake vodka
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
