i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
