You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
