That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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