I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
