The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The air taste purple.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
