We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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