Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
