Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
