Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
