Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize