fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're a waste of cheezeits
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
