Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
