do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
