I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
