I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
