Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
