y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
