My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
