I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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