There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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