dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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