i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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