guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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