I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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