Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
