Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
