Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
