At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
