Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're too hungover to prance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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