you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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