I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
