I just made out with a guy for $7.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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