So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
