can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
