The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
