Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
