Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
