You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
